so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
