I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
