Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
