so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
