I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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