Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
