careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
