I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
worst night to have a conscience
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
