Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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