can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
