i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
