nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
