break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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