Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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