OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
