my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
