my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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