Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The air taste purple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
