Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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