There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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