You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
