dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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