just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
