whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
God, I missed his penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
