Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Enjoy the penises
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
