I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
