I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
