At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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