i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
