Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
