he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
