when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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