I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Randomize
