i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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