For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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