we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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