Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dick very happy bro
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
