he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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