Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
honey bunches of taint.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
