I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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