I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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