He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i think my cat just said my name.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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