The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
