U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
