Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
