I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
