I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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