security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
