So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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