I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
