My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
