i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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