thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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