As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Watching her eat just hurts me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
