people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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