Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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