Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
