I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am puke
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
