What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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