Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
