why didn't you poke me back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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