i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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