I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
