he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand