I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.