i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?