I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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