Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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