I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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