Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
