i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
