Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have aggressive nipples.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
