yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
