Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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