We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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