I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
