Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
