I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
